The worst day.

Today has been the most emotional day for me. 20 years ago today, my mother gave birth to my little brother. He was 3 months premature and weighed 2lbs. He was a bit chunky for his gestational age, but wasn't big enough or strong enough to live outside on his own. In 1989, they didn't have the technology they have now. He didn't get the steroids or medications that are available today for babies born severely premature. I thank God every single day for The March of Dimes. They're able to raise so much money to discover what we have today.. Every single penny donated goes to keeping babies alive. My dad did sneak me into the NICU and though I was a few days away from 5 years old, I remember that day like it was yesterday. He was tiny. He could fit in my dad's hands. I never got to do all the things a big sister is supposed to do with her little brother. I never got to teach him what dad taught me. No ball games to attend, no bullies to beat up, but I am a very different person because of that VERY brief meeting with him. I am thankful for every baby that The March of Dimes has helped save. That's one more baby that's gone home to their families where they belong.

My brother has been a very big part of my life in every single way. My oldest son was named after him. I have his initials tattooed on my back. He goes with me everywhere I go in my heart. I dream of him often. I hope that he's up there and he knows who I am. At the age of 5, he changed my life forever. I wanted him more than I wanted anything. Most 5 year old girls (in 1989) wanted ponies and New Kids on the Block posters.. I wanted a little brother. There was nothing I wouldn't of given to have brought him home with me, eventually. He was my birthday present. The only pictures I have of him, he was hooked to wires so thick.. So many of them. He was so dark. I don't know why. Maybe it was the medication they were giving him, maybe it was because he was so premature. I do not know. But it was scary to see.

Rest in peace Richard Justin. Sissy loves you, forever.

Anxiety, ugh.

I got my call. My first level 2 ultrasound is on June 4 @ 12 noon. I'm excited and scared. Excited to see my little one, and scared to know exactly WHY I need a level 2. They never told me. Just sent my consult to the place. So my mind is going in a hundred different directions. I'm sure it's because of my meds and they just want to check on the baby.. Or at least that's what I'm telling myself so I don't freak out. :) It's not working.

My husband is the best ever. He bought a car for mother's day! *dies* I almost choked and had a heart attack when we drove off the lot. Actually, I wanted to just get the crap out of there because we were there for 5 hours. We ended up getting a 2008 Hyundai Sonata. We needed it, bad. Our cavalier was too small to travel in, and we're bringing home a new baby in October (if he/she stays put for that long) so we are going to need to fit 2 car seats and a booster in there. Oh lord. Just thinking about that makes me sweat. 3 children in my car... *gulp* No turning back now, is there? ;)

I'm still getting sick. I'll be 16 weeks tomorrow (Wednesday is my "flip" day). I'm excited. I still don't feel him/her kicking yet so I'm a little nervous. I was feeling Corbin long before now and he was my 2nd. I thought I'd feel this one a lot sooner. I've not gained a single pound back that I lost either. I was 148 at the beginning. Morning sickness knocked 14 lbs off of me and no amount of food I eat is putting it back on me. I guess I should be thankful that I'm almost half way done with this pregnancy and haven't gained anything, but it's worrysome! I gained close to 60lbs with my oldest and about 52lbs with Corbin (my Oct 08 baby). So far, I've LOST 14lbs with this one. Win? I don't know yet. I'll tell you in October when this one graces us with his/her presence. ;)

Chris is finally putting in for LEAVE! I'll finally be going home to Florida for a bit for the first time since Decemer 30, 2007. I'm so excited to introduce Corbin to his grandfather and Aunt for the first time.. As well as introduce him to his great grandmother, aunts, uncles and cousins on Chris' side. It's going to be exciting! I just can't wait to go to the beach down there! I'll post pictures, I'm sure. I'm a picture junky, so you'll see plenty of pictures in this new blog of mine. :)

It's time to cook dinner.. The hubby swears he's "starving". Maybe I need to take him to Ethiopia and show him what "starving" really looks like? Then he'll quit naggin me. :p

-Amber